Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
do nipples grow back?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
