we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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