you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize