I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
COCAINE IS GR8
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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