Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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