All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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