I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
