Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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