Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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