he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
