Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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