I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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