I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
