I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
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