I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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