capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
