Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
