True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
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