I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
