dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Randomize
