Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
