never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
