You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
