It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
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