I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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