i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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