tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
