I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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