Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
