We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i will never coherently bang her
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
last night I used snow as a chaser
I came so hard my ears popped.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
