He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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