can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize