i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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