I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
