That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize