He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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