butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
