Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
