i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
