You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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