Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
