So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize