Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
