How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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