I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
