We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You are a genius and a whore.
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