Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize