This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
