omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
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