I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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