you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
