Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
