We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Found the puke drawer
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
