Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
