Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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