I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
