The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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