Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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