I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize