i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
