she looked like the before picture.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
