Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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