i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
