why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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