Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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