So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
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