her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize